Truth hurts

(WHAT?!? whuzzat?? Oh, the alarm clock. Stupid clock. Hey wait, fishin' today, YAH! Erie here I come. I wonder what the streams look like. Man, I'm gonna catch a bunch o-) "Ouch!" (STUPID CHAIR! MMMMMM, coffee. Okay lessee, rods are in the truck. Where's my thermos? Gotta call Mike and Shawn make sure they're ready.) "Hey. You up? 15 minutes. Cool. I dunno, maggots, minnows, treat 'em like Trout is what I'm told. Cool. Hey, call Shawn and I'll meet you at the church parking lot. Cool."

(Man it's colder than I thought it would be. Oh well. Lord, please let me catch a few. Nice ones. C'mon truck warm up already. Where-Oh, there they are.) "Hey. Yup. I got coffee. Yeah, we'll stop at the McDonald's off the Grove City exit. y-a-w-n. Ready? Cool." (Man, this is gonna be great. I'm gonna catch my limit then just catch and release. Hey, I wonder if John's on the air yet. C'mon radio. Wow, I haven't been up this early since... since I was fired from A.)

"Hey, wake up. Yeah. Uh, Sausage biscuit and hash browns please. Thanks. You guys ready? Cool. I dunno, about another hour. What are you gonna do with your fish? Yeah, right! I'm gonna keep one for the smoker, one for the grill, and I'll probably give one to Sue, they have been on kinda hard times lately. Cool." (Man it's pretty up this way. Boy it's taking forever to get there! Arrggh! I can't wait!! Gotta remember to get maggots and spoons. Need some floats too. Did we pray yet?) "Hey, let's pray and thank God for today and pray for a safe time." "------ Amen." ( and lots o fish too Lord, okay?) "Which way now? You're some help. Look on the map! D'uh! Here? Okay. C'mon let's make this quick, and don't spend too much 'cause you're payin' for gas!" (C'mon, c'mon, hurry up! Why can't they be like me, everything rigged up before I take them out of the car, know what I want before I walk into the-hey, what's that?) "Two of these please. So, can you tell me how to get to Walnut Creek. Nope. Okay, okay. A left? Cool, thanks. Stop sign. Have a good one! You got what you need? Let's go, C'mon."

(Please Lord, don't let me get skunked, not this time. Please.) "I'm gonna catch the biggest fish you do realize, right? Man! Look at all those people!" (Here's a good spot to park. Thank you Lord.) "You got everything? Let's go over there." (How do we get down there?) "Can you see how to get down? Okay good, now hurry up, I got fish to catch. Where are they? What do you mean right there? Whoa... look at those fish!" (MANOMANOMANOMAN) "WOW! I can't believe it! Look at those fish! They're huge!" (I can't believe this! This is gonna be great!)

"Man this is sweet! This is gonna be so easy! You got one?! Alright!! Way to go, man!" (Anytime now, anytime... C'mon, take the bait!) "Another one? Alright! You Got one yet? Don't worry, if he got one, anybody can!" (except me apparently. C'mon PLEASE bite! Worms, minnows, maggots, they've gotta want SOMETHING!) "You got one? 'Bout time! Just what 'til I get mine, you'll be shamed!" (and you can feel like I do now. 5 hours!?!? what am I doing wrong?) "Almost had one!" (Now HE'S got one! Is everybody gonna get one but me?) "Now, you know I'm not goin' home fishless! I'm gonna work my way down to the lake. Yeah! Okay. Hey buddy, doin' any good? 3 eh? Good job." (I hate you.) "What are they hitting on? A piece of yarn?!?" (What kind of mess is that??) "Sure, let me help. Easy, okay I got him in the net. Man, he's even bigger than your last one!" (F*** YOU!!)

"Hi! Looks like you're doin' good. What're they hittin' on? Oh, yeah? I've been usin' them and haven't landed one." (Stop lying! You haven't even had a hit!!) "Not using them right? yeah okay..." (Whatever. Lord, it's a 2 1/2 hour drive, why is this happening to me? I'm not THAT bad. I catch plenty of Trout, why can't I catch them?!? Yeah, "fish on" my a**. Sorry, Father, I don't mean to curse, but I HATE this. Everybody else is catching fish, why can't I? Wait, there's one holding in that groove. Okay, patience, get the drift right in front of him, DARNIT! that drift was perfect! Okay, maggot. CRAP! Minnow. -----, powerbait, what color? okay... he's gonna take it! NO! NONONONO! Why the hel* did it spook! I HATE THIS! I HATE FISHING. I DRIVE ALL THIS WAY FOR NOTHING! STUPID FREAKIN' FISH!)


(Please God pleasepleasepleaseplease)

"No. No. How many did you get? Cool." (Screw you.) "How many did you get? Good deal!" (SO what!) "Yeah, I'm ready. I didn't have what I needed this time, but you watch next time. You won't even be able to carry the fish I catch 'cause they'll be so big!" (I'll never do this again. what a complete waste.) "Yeah, I can give you a great recipe. No, but it looks good." (Stupid recipe, stupid fish) "Yeah, wow, that sounds like it was fun. Yeah, I did see you catch that one, that was great!" (Can't you understand how much this sucks for me?? I will never do this again. Fish suck. I hate to clean them anyway. 5 hours of driving.) "Oh, yeah, I can't wait 'til next time. I'm gonna try this new spinner I bought, and I think I know EXACTLY what will work on them. I'm gonna catch a bunch!" (LIAR!) "Sure. No, I don't want one of yours, 'cause next time you'll be wantin' one of my big ones! Ha Ha!"

(I will never make this drive again. What a stupid freaking waste of time. Darn fish are too finicky. You can only catch them if you know the area. It was too windy anyway. Plenty of fish close to home.) "Alright man. Yeah you did great! Watch out for me next time though! Thank you Lord for getting us back safely. See ya'! (Stupid fish. How much humiliation is one guy supposed to take?) "Hey babe. No, I didn't have the lure they were hitting on. Yeah, I know. I think I'm gonna concentrate on figuring out the Walleyes down Montour for a while. Got plenty of jigs. Hunh? That's a little Cleo, I bought 6. Yes the leftover maggots are goin' in the fridge. Don't worry they're wrapped tight. I'm gonna leave my gear in the truck. Prob'ly go down the river tomorrow. Yeah, they both caught fish. How do I know? I'm NOT yelling! Fine."

(Never again. Never.)


(It's a long drive for nothing.)













(Maybe I'll try that yarn thing next time.)



(Yeah. That'll get 'em)